Foster carer stories

Joanna has just completed a decade of foster care, while she also adopted two young children over three years ago. Here she expands on how she can positively influence her teenage fosters at an important time of their development.

It's very difficult for me to pinpoint the reason I started because fostering and adoption has always been in my head and I'm not sure why. No one in my family fosters so there's no obvious connection.  I hadn’t envisaged I would do it on my own but that's what happened and it has all worked out. People think there are barriers when you're single but they don't actually exist. They're often ones that we create ourselves or we’re subject to unconscious bias. I am proud to foster alongside working full time and being able to do both is important for my own identity.

I've just hit my tenth year, which is quite emotional for me if I'm honest. Having started in my late 20s it's a significant part of my life. When I think back, there was a lot of negativity from people around me about the concept of fostering. In hindsight this was more a lack of understanding as they simply didn't know anyone directly who was a foster carer

When I did start fostering, it was challenging but this didn't put me off. I decided to double down, learn as much as I could and reflect on my own limitations and capabilities. I always want to continue learning and Hounslow do some wonderful courses, especially ones involving an amazing external practitioner.  

I foster teenagers and I wouldn't say I'm a parent to them, it’s more like a guide. I help to prepare for adult life, empower them to voice their opinions and develop the skills needed for their future. I've had two long term fosters for four years and probably seven or eight placements in total. I’m very lucky to have an expanding family after adopting two young children three and a half years ago.

When you have a teenager who moves in, you are starting with a complete blank page and it's nice because you get you get to work on their goals without any expectations. It can be a very confusing time at that age, they have a lot of pressures, a lot of responsibilities, the majority of which they didn't chose. Teenagers are developing an adult mind and a selfish nature - and I say that in a good way because I think being selfish when you're a teenager is important, as you develop an identity. Young people need to find their own voice.

The majority of teenagers that I foster are females which is exciting because I can talk to them with an authentic voice on a real level and say, look, if you're not enjoying what you're doing it’s OK to change things.

I have someone who’s been with me since July and a week into her college course she was lurking in the kitchen behind me. I asked what she wanted to say and she said she didn't like her course. When I suggested she could change courses her whole face lit up. I sat with her and then talked her through each step of this. I am grateful for these moments when they confide in me and I can show them they are heard and they always have a choice.

I think education is important and I want my fosters to feel the same. If you don't have access to education alongside positive experiences, you will end up thinking it’s not for you. There are so many different paths to choose, and Hounslow’s Virtual College provide valuable support and advice. The right education is life changing. I am incredibly proud that I got to attend the graduation of my first long term placement earlier this year.

You can form some special bonds and relationships with these young people and it’s genuinely given me a purpose. You've just got to be very kind and very open. Some of them love talking on the phone and will call you continuously! Now whenever my phone goes, I see it as this little window into their day. The best thing is when a teenager who is agitated and wants to share this with you. You realise how powerful it is to be that someone on the other end of the phone to ease them through it.  They're telling you because they know you are with them and on their side.

I would like to think that they cherry pick the good parts of my personality! An example is that all my young people have gone and got their own jobs not long after moving in. I have a real sense of pride for them taking initiative and going out and finding Saturday jobs. Not only will give them some money but also, exposure to different people.

It's always sad when they leave but they take a part of you with them out into the world and they always come back.