Foster carer stories

Helen is a former midwife from Chiswick who has played a vital part in the lives of hundreds of people during her career. Now retired, she relishes a new challenge of fostering young children.

I have always wanted to foster. It was at the back of my mind, during my career in Midwifery, so once I took early retirement at 61, it was with fostering in mind, so I still had the health and the energy.

I live in Chiswick, within the boundaries of Hounslow, so when the time came, I chose to move forward with the local authority. There are always adverts around, so I simply rang them up as it seemed easier, and I did not really want to go with a private agency.

The process was easy, just a simple online form and after an initial chat we moved forwards quickly.

I currently look after a young boy, and he is the second child I've had. I previously had a young girl and I thought she would stay longer, but she only needed to be with me a few days, but I've had my current placement pretty much since he was born.

I have two grown up children - daughters, aged 28 and 24. Having the experience of raising your own children is a definite positive for your confidence, but I would not say it was essential if you want to foster.

I have to say boys are a bit different though. It is hard to say how, but the energy and the rushing around is different! He is more physical than my own children were. It is a bit of a stereotype, isn't it? That boys rush around and have all the energy and girls will play with dolls, but there may be some truth behind it!

He is an inquisitive child, into everything. Turning wheels, screwing things together - he likes to explore and work things out. He is very practical, but he loves stories and singing. We go to lots of play groups just to work off some of the energy and he likes the other children. He is very sociable.

It is very intense working with children, and it is wonderful to be able to influence good things happening to them because you don't know what's going to happen later in life. And how different their life’s going to be. And I have loved the challenge of preparing him for anything. Because with your own children, you have a picture of how they are going to grow, what you want for them. But with some of the children, you do not know whether they're going to be adopted or go back to families. You have got to prepare them for everything, and I love the challenge of that.

I think he is ready for everything. He is a very happy little boy anyway, but with him, I've stood back a bit, and that's been good, I think, because I don't know how much attention he's going to get in his forever home. He is building his resilience but it's a hard thing to do with very young children. It is something that takes a fair bit of creativity, I suppose.

I think it’s like being a grandparent. The difference being, of course, that you know you are going to have a cut off with a foster child and I don't know how that'll go because we're very attached and because he's been with me since he was a baby. But he will move on.

I am a short-term foster carer caring for children from the age of 0 to 2 years, but I've said I'll keep him for as long as he needs a foster home.

There are things I can do to prepare myself emotionally. I make myself think about it and I have got lots of plans. I'll possibly take a break of a month or two.

There will be visits available. The fostering team have been preparing me and telling me how they can support me when he goes. But that is something that you accept as part of the package.

If you are thinking about fostering, contact the fostering team because they're always very happy to help people decide whether it is or isn't the right thing - or when it might be the right thing. Listen to the views of your children and remember that may change over time. Do not bank on things working out exactly the way that you expected it might. 

That said, fostering is high on the list of the best things I have ever done. It was such a big decision. As a midwife, you make a bit of a difference but to lots of people's lives.

Making a difference to children's lives, that is what really interests me, that’s what matters most.